You’ve heard tell of Butch and Sundance, Jesse James and Dan McGrew,
But there’s one more desperado that’s a legend through and through.
Now this here’s a bit of heresay, ‘bout the deeds this hombre did,
‘Cause the prairies still are ringin’ with the name of Covid Kid.

Covid never used a six-gun – bullets weren’t his cup of tea,
Still they feared him like the devil from Ft. Worth to Laramie,
‘Cause Covid Kid’s a stone-cold killer, fillin’ Boot Hill up a-pace,
He won’t gun ya down on Main Street – he’ll just breathe right in your face.

In your face,
In your face,
Laugh and say,
“Hey, in your face.”

The One-Eared Jack Saloon in Deadwood was the first place Covid hit,
There he left a trail of bodies and spittoon full of spit.
He strong-armed the screaming school marm and plum kissed her on his way (there were funerals at the schoolhouse four weeks later to the day.)

Up in Moosejaw all the lawmen got their man without a hitch,
But the Kid bushwacked the Mounties when he sprang up from a ditch,
He was breathin’ out his droplets, they were firin’ out hot lead,
When the smoke and vapor cleared, them Mountie lawmen all lay dead.

All lay dead
All lay dead
Got too close, eh?
All lay dead.

Some would try to social distance but the kid would pull ‘em near:
“Come on darlin’, let’s all party - share some nachos, sip my beer!”
He would scoff away their terror, call ‘em ‘baby-freedom-haters!”
When he vamoosed out of town they’d all be on ventilators.

Johnny Ringo, Charlie Pierce, Soapy Smith and Hoodoo Brown,
All would hide their outlaw faces when The Kid rode into town.
The dreaded Cochise County Cowboys would high-tail it to a shack
They’d be quakin’ in their bacon if the Covid Kid was back.

He made the Daltons look like Waltons, (or like Joaquin Murrieta)
Next to Covid’s heartless killings, Quantrill’s raiders looked mo’betta.
But the apex of his evil, his greatest sin, you well may ask?
Unlike other Western bad men, Covid never wore a mask.

Wear a mask,
Wear a mask,
It’s no big ask –
Just wear a mask. Everybody!
Wear a mask,
Come wear your mask,
Meet the task
And wear a mask.

Up in heaven there’s a place for all the victims of the Kid,
And a list of all the deeds they coulda done, if they weren’t did
In by that smilin’ outlaw killer with the careless, coughin’ breath,
Who turned his casual way of livin’ to a casual way of death.